Boys to Men

Boys To Men

respect fa imageIn the changing rooms on Thursday I said I would post something on my blog regarding my role as coach-teacher on the subject of learning how to be a man. There are some notes taken from Joe Ehrmann’s book ‘InsideOut Coaching’.

Here is one of my roles as coach-teacher:

  • Model and teach respect toward the opposite sex and the value of self-respect and respectful relationships

halloween 2012Self Respect And Respectful Relationships

I would like to make people aware of the frightening statistics regarding relationships. These are from Liz Claiborne, Inc’s ‘Love is not abuse program:

1. 50% of teenagers in a serious relationship have compromised personal beliefs to please a partner

2. 45% of teen girls know someone who has been pressured or forced into having intercourse or oral sex

3. 33% of teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships including verbal and emotional abuse

4. 27% of teenagers have been in a dating relationship in which a partner has engaged in name calling and disrespect

5. 20% of teenagers report having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner

6. 20% of teenage girls are physically or sexually hurt by a dating partner

Add in the growing epidemic of dating abuse via technology, sexting and social media and the statistics are even more frightening.


Through the football we play at Collingham Football Club we need to learn to respect ourselves and others. That includes our teammates and our opposiCRFCtion.


Sport can be a powerful way in which to learn respect. This can have a direct impact on our relationships.


I will leave you with this quote from Joe Ehrmann:

“A team is defined by the quality of its relationships and the commitment to its cause. Every team has a common purpose, performance goals and objectives. In addition, every team has a mutually accountable work ethic and is built on the trust, respect and integrity of every team member” 


Lucky or Unlucky – Which One Are You?


Luck is something we either get or receive. Being unlucky is something that happens or doesn’t happen. In a sports setting who tends to get lucky and who gets unlucky?

Gary Player, famous golfer, once said “The harder I try the luckier I get”. This is a statement jesting the concept that luck has either got nothing to do with it or luck can be influenced.


Manchester United Football Club are lucky?

When we watch a football match do we often see a team get “lucky” with a goal to win or draw a match when perhaps to the football fan they didn’t deserve it. For those that follow the English Premier Football League know that Manchester United have dominated the premiership over the past 20 years. How many times have they won a match when not performing that well. Who can be that lucky for that long?

Its the deep, deliberate or purposeful practice concept that springs to my mind. Gary player agrees. Here is another example. When Eric Cantona made his debut for Manchester United in 1992 he brought a different concept to training. He continued to practise after the others went. This philosophy had an effect on the other players at the club. They stayed and purposefully practised. Let’s get this straight, Eric Cantona was not the catalyst for Manchester United’s success. It is Sir Alex Ferguson’s. The point I am making is the correlation of purposeful practise and luck. There is another point to my post. Feedback.

Collingham Football Club

When coaching and playing for Collingham Reserves Football Club, I have been trying to make a point of not saying unlucky when a player misses the target. This phrase is used a lot. Look at the situation this way. A player shoots and puts the ball over the bar. Someone says unlucky. Is that a question of luck when giving feedback. It doesn’t matter whether coaching children, adolescents or adults the message we convey by saying unlucky is that shooting is a question of luck. Is that how we should advocate success?

LogoAgree with me or not but I believe it is down to a growth mindset and quality coaching not luck. Feedback might be “Well done for getting into that position. However, you must hit the target”. This player will strive to hit the target. The next time he hits the target and the keeper has to make a save. The ball could go anywhere afterwards. A deflection, a ricochet or out for a corner. The feedback initially might be “Great effort. Let’s work on making the Goal keeper work hard to make a save by perhaps shooting towards the far post”. This will give the player confidence and the understanding that hard work and effort will lead to success.

The Answers

Some might think this topic or my point is just semantics. I feel it is not a question of being lucky or unlucky. The message here is practice purposefully and develop a growth mindset by providing the right feedback.